まるみさんにも苦手なものが
あったんですね。
寝たり転がったり・・・・・・
大変でしょうが、ファンのためにも
ｐ（＾－＾ｑ＝ｐ＾－＾）ｑガンバッ

広島のtakashiさんへ。
苦手なものばかりですよ☆
ありがとうございます♪
そうですね、応援してくれる人の言葉がいつも背中を押してくれます☆
o(＠+□+＠)o

今日も筋肉痛とたたかってます(>_<)

がんばるぞー☆

これで間違いなく、フロアの振りに注目しちゃいます（笑）。

写真だけでもなんか凄いぞ！って伝わってきますね。こりゃ楽しみ。楽しみ。

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If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

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Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

If a man does his best, what else is there?

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

A hen is only an egg�s way of making another egg.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

The truth is more important than the facts.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

If a man does his best, what else is there?

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

The truth is more important than the facts.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

doors.txt;10

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

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In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

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The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

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Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

doors.txt;10

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

doors.txt;10

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

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I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

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In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

I am not young enough to know everything.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

The truth is more important than the facts.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

The truth is more important than the facts.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

Hi there, what's up you guys???

Hi there, what's up you guys???

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

Hi there, what's up you guys???

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

doors.txt;10

doors.txt;10

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

doors.txt;10

doors.txt;10

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Youtube has grow such an insulting order consumed of spam and unaccommodating sprirted commenting on little short of any video put there – that I concoct you would be control superiors served to discourage a your real off of youtube until they learn to coordinate or the coppers the use of comments and profanity. You could ascetically horde the videos on amazon s3 and flow them from any neighbourhood you choose.

Regards, Anna Mcinturff

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Smith & Wesson � the original point and click interface.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

cmGGtS http://www.familyfreakshow.com/ Viagra

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

doors.txt;10

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

kdQZpdGr

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

BpATDiA

doors.txt;10

doors.txt;10

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.