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Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

This website is the prime world-wide-web site.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

If a man does his best, what else is there?

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

The truth is more important than the facts.

The truth is more important than the facts.

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I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

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Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

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To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

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Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

This website is the superior web portal.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

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It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

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The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

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Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

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Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

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It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

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It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

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Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

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I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

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The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

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The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

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Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

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I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

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Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

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No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

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When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

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Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

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Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

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Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

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I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

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If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

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Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

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Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

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Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

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Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

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I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

This website is the recommended world-wide-web page.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

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Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Interesting site, you should moderate your comments though, seems to be a lot of spam

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

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If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.